


Home Sweet Home

by Nemesis (ThetaSigma)



Series: Bertie Meets Aliens [3]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005), Jeeves & Wooster, Torchwood
Genre: Crossover, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-27
Updated: 2012-05-27
Packaged: 2017-11-06 03:32:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/414241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThetaSigma/pseuds/Nemesis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All is made right, and Bertie is happy again. (There is also a very minor mystery pairing)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Home Sweet Home

Bertie floated around uselessly for a few weeks after the Doctor dropped him off in London again. He couldn’t bring himself to hire another valet. No one was as good as Jeeves. He ate all his meals at the Drones, and wore clothes a few days in a row instead of trying to wash them. He considered visiting his Aunt Dahlia for a few weeks, but he couldn’t bring himself to pack up and head down. Anyway, he would probably get in some kind of trouble, and Jeeves wouldn’t be there to save him, and then he might end up married to some girl he didn’t want.

He hadn’t done anything with Jeeves’ things. Seeing them every day hurt, but he couldn’t put the little left of Jeeves away in a box. Those things were the only things left of Jeeves; the Doctor had nothing of Jeeves in him. Or, if he did, he hid it very well. 

He had managed to throw one thing away: the watch that started everything. If not for that, Jeeves would still be with him.

If he were totally honest with himself, he did miss the Doctor a bit. And the stars. And the aliens – those fantastically strange aliens. It had been such an experience. If things had gone differently... if he hadn’t lost Jeeves, if he had met the _Doctor_ one day and not _Jeeves_ , if the Doctor hadn’t been Jeeves but some other person and all three of them could travel through time and space, if the Doctor had taken it more slowly, introduced him to the stars gently... if something, if _anything_ had gone a little differently, he thought he would’ve loved seeing everything. 

He could see why the Doctor couldn’t seem to stay put. Everything seemed mundane now, every day was the same thing. He woke up in the morning and considered shaving and bathing (and sometimes even did it), headed to the Drones for lunch, returned home for a bit or stayed at the Drones and talked with his friends, and then back to the Drones for dinner. There was nothing new.

If only.

A sharp knock on the door brought him out of his maudlin thoughts. He dragged himself over to the door and opened it, suddenly remembering the first time he saw Jeeves. 

It wasn’t Jeeves standing in front of the door, of course. Jeeves was gone – Jeeves was a lie. 

It was a tall man wearing a long blue coat, and he had dark brown hair and blue eyes.

“Captain Jack Harkness,” he said in an American accent, sticking his hand out. “Nice to meet you.”

“Bertram Wooster,” Bertie answered automatically, shaking the man’s hand. He stood awkwardly, not sure what he was supposed to do. He didn’t know this man, but he felt like he was missing something.

“May I come in?” Captain Jack asked with a smile. “I want to talk to you, and the hallway isn’t the best place for this.”

Bertie hesitated.

“It’s about Jeeves,” he added.

“I’m sorry, but Jeeves isn’t here anymore,” he said.

Jack nodded. “I know. And I even vaguely know what happened. That’s why I want to talk to you.”

Bertie stepped back and let him in. He was suddenly extremely conscious of what a mess his flat was. He hadn’t even tried to tidy up in the past few weeks. His dirty clothes were strewn about the place haphazardly, something was growing mold in the kitchen (he had no idea _what_ , it wasn’t like there was food in the house), and there were dirty tumblers and empty bottles everywhere. The ashtrays were all full, and the entire place smelled a bit funky. Bertie, too, smelled a bit funky – his clothes were a few days old (he still had no idea how to launder his own clothes, and finding someone to do it for him would require too much energy), and he hadn’t bathed in... he wasn’t sure how long.

Jack seemed not to care about any of this; he didn’t even glance around.

“Have a seat,” Bertie offered, gesturing to the only empty chair in the living room. “Drink?”

“Scotch, if you’ve got it.”

Bertie cast around for a clean tumbler and filled it with scotch, then handed it to Jack. 

“You met the Doctor,” Jack said without preamble. It wasn’t a question.

Bertie nodded. “He was my valet, Jeeves, for years.”

“Tell me,” Jack asked.

Bertie shook his head. “It is hardly a story for a stranger, Captain.”

Jack smiled a bit ashamedly. “I’m sorry. I’ve been searching for the Doctor for... well, quite a while. I wanted to know if there was any chance I could find him.”

“How do you know him?” Bertie asked. He almost went further, almost asked if the Doctor had changed personalities – _species_ – on Jack, too, and then left him there, clutching at straws. But he bit his tongue and left the question dangling.

Jack smiled slightly. “I met him in the middle of a war. Him and his companion, Rose. I was trying to con them, and they were trying to fix a problem, and we bumped into each other and fixed everything. I nearly died then. Bomb nearly got me. But the Doctor saved me last minute and we... traveled together for a while.” 

“In time and space,” Bertie mumbled. “Why did you stop?”

“They left me behind one day,” Jack admitted. “I don’t know why. And I can’t tell you anymore about that. It’s... on a need-to-know basis. I can say, however, that I’ve been looking for him for quite a while. I know he comes back this way pretty often, and I’m hoping one day I’ll find him and he can tell me why he left and... do me a favor. Your turn. How did you meet the Doctor?”

“He was Jeeves then. I needed a valet – my last one had been pinching my socks on the side. One day, Jeeves knocked on the door and informed me that he had been sent by the agency. He was perfect. Efficient, quiet, reliable, brilliant, trust-worthy... a treasure. All my friends envied me and they were constantly around here, asking Jeeves to solve their problems. He was here for years.”

Bertie looked morosely at his half-full glass, not wanting to glance at Jack. He didn’t want Jack to see how much it hurt that Jeeves was gone – really gone, gone forever – didn’t want Jack to suspect that they had been more than master and valet.

“What happened?” Jack prompted finally.

“Jeeves had this pocket-watch. I found it one day, and I didn’t like it. It was… odd. It whispered to me, and there was this bright light. I sound like I’m off my rocker, I know, but it _was_. Jeeves never seemed to notice it, though. He never mentioned it, and it was the kind of thing he would mention.”

Bertie finished the rest of his drink. Jack didn’t prompt him, waiting for Bertie to get there on his own. “One day, I woke up and Jeeves was gone. Oh, he was still there, but he told me that he wasn’t Jeeves anymore. He was an alien from a different planet and time, and his name was the Doctor. And he didn’t want to stay around anymore. He wanted to travel around time and space in something called the TARDIS. He invited me, too.”

“Did you go?” Jack asked.

Bertie nodded. He didn’t tell Jack the reason – _‘I wanted to hold on to the little bit of Jeeves left, I couldn’t say goodbye yet, Jeeves had to be there somewhere, the Doctor said so, and maybe sometimes I’ll see him’_. He said simply, “It was too much for me. I missed familiar old England.”

Jack nodded absently. “He’s gone, then, the Doctor. I missed him again.” He sighed heavily.

“Do you miss... aliens?” Bertie asked hesitantly.

“I miss the stars,” Jack answered. “And the Doctor. I see plenty of aliens.”

Bertie looked up sharply. “Aliens? In _London?_ ”

“Well, Cardiff mainly,” Jack answered with a disarming smile. “But yes, rather a lot. They seem to like Cardiff. Constantly slipping in. Bloody nuisance, most of them. Some of them aren’t a threat, but most of them...” He shook his head and finished his scotch.

“I know I’m not always the brightest, but I _know_ I would’ve heard about aliens in Cardiff. The papers would be full of it, and the government would inform us if they knew.”

“They’ve known for ages. Since Queen Victoria. The whole thing’s kept very hush-hush. Humans aren’t ready for aliens yet, so we quietly usher them away from the Earth.”

“... We?”

Jack nodded. “Torchwood. I work for Torchwood Three, in Cardiff. And meanwhile, I hunt for the Doctor.”

Bertie thought about that for a while. There was a whole organization that fought aliens – _three_ of them, at least! The government apparently knew about this, too. There were _aliens on Earth_. Of course, the Doctor had been on Earth and he’d been an alien, so Bertie wasn’t sure why he was so surprised by this, but he had thought the Doctor was an anomaly. And apparently, aliens really liked _Cardiff_ , of all places. Bertie had only been to Cardiff once, but he couldn’t remember anything particularly special about the place. Certainly nothing that would draw aliens. 

He wondered what it would be like to see aliens again, and on more familiar ground. In Britain (good old Britain), where he was most comfortable, instead of the 3rd moon of Pyrovilia or the lost moon of Poosh or Raxacoricovallapatorius (right next to the equally unwieldy Raxacoricofallapatorius). A mesh of both worlds, and it sounded nice. He allowed himself to dream for a moment about that – and he certainly wouldn’t’ve minded working with Captain Jack, with his nice smile and gorgeous eyes and lovely arse.

Jack spoke finally. “You know, we just lost a team member. We could use someone who has some experience traveling with the Doctor. You’re welcome to come back to Cardiff with me, if you’d like. I warn you, it’s dangerous. The aliens we deal with are rarely friendly... but I rather suspect you did quite a bit of running, traveling with the Doctor.”

Bertie nodded. He thought about it some more. Aliens and Cardiff ( _Cardiff?_ ) and he could pop up to London easily any time he wished and yet he could still see some of the universe. Never have to leave Britain, and this seemed like nice middle ground between the every day Drones for lunch and dinner and traveling all across the universe in a blue phone box.

“Yes, I think I’d like that,” Bertie answered finally.

***

It had been three months since Bertie joined Torchwood Three. He’d seen dozens of aliens, maybe even hundreds, and yet, when he needed a break, he could just... leave. Out the door, and there it was, Cardiff, _Britain_ , everything around him so familiar. 

And while Captain Jack Harkness could never replace Jeeves, Bertie was happy to have someone to sleep next to every night (and _damn_ , the man was good in bed). 

It wasn’t the same – never would be, never even _could_ be – but as Bertie chased after a five armed alien, Jack only steps ahead of him, he realized that he didn’t even _want_ it to be.

He was happy again.


End file.
